"In the Beginning I just wanted you to fuck me, but then I got greedy and I wanted you love me..."
As a college student I see it every single day. That whole "Friends with Benefit" type of relationship thing. It is becoming more and more prominent now days. More people are trying a fun, hassle-free emotionless relationship. However it surely cannot last forever. Maybe that's just an opinion, but from what I have seen and experienced myself (unfortunately), is that someone always catches more feelings than they ever intended.
"We said no strings attached and I still got tied up in that..."
Many fwb relationships begin as friendships which is something I just don't advise unless you BOTH are capable of keeping your social & physical relations separate. I don't think that two good friends should ever enter into a strictly sexual relationship it just screws things up in my opinion. One may be more committed to the arrangement than the other. One may be opening up a heart of feelings that it never intended to coddle. Whatever happens though it will never last and if it does last, at least until you both get into good-standing relationships, there will always be this awkwardness between you. There will always be some type of feelings even if they are never acted upon they will still always be there. It is impossible to be just friends with someone you shared your most vulnerable & naked moments with.
It is the belief that it is always the woman that catches the feelings which leads to the demise of the sexual relationship, but that is not always accurate. It is probably more common that the woman is the first to catch feelings, especially since women are emotional beings, but men can catch feelings just as much, and just as easily. One time a "friend" of mine was in a fwb situation and it was her partner who was the one that caught feelings first. Even though he tried to hide it, it eventually all came out. She was the one who had the upper-hand now and she could have just continued to play with his feelings but instead she ended the relationship in order to salvage their friendship.
Maybe it is because sex is something that makes two into one for that time being or maybe the sex was just too BOMB to not want it to be yours forever. Whatever the reason sex is too much of a personal and temporarily binding union to not instigate heartfelt feelings. With that being said there are rules to having a successful "No-Strings-Attached" arrangement.
1. Pick the right partner: It should be someone who is NOT apart of your outside social life. It should never be someone that it would hurt you to lose. The relationship is a fling so you should be able to cut it off just as easily as you picked it up.
2. You have to make sure that you & your partner realize that the relationship is NOT a monogamous one. There is always a possibility of someone catching feelings, but for the time being you two are just casual sex partners. Feel free to talk to other people all you want because you are not committed. Which also means that neither of you can get jealous if the other dates because you two are NOT a couple.
3. Cuddling is not advised: If you two can handle it then by all means, but in this situation it really isn't necessary to share in something as intimate and emotionally bonding as cuddling. Do the deed then feel free to leave.
4. The relationship should remain in the bedroom (or where ever you like to get nasty no judgment): You should NEVER go out together. This is a sexual relationship so why waste time, money or feelings on dates.
5. Protect yourself: This applies in all sexual relations. Your sex buddy may not only be "friendly" with just you so protection is a must.
6. Social networks: Keep your business between just the two of you. There is no need to follow or friend your sex buddy on any social network.
7.Know that eventually it has to end. A relationship like this can't last forever. It is up to both parties to read the signs and realize when the arrangement needs to expire.
Finally, in the end, a purely sexual relationship can be an amazing thing just as long as you know what you are getting yourself into...
